Easy Does It

Well I'm bored, that's for sure. I didn't expect my first post to be such a rant, but eh, that's what this thing is for, eh?

SOOOO I figured I'd post a bit more about myself.

I work at a sign shop, my dad has worked there for 8 years as the head of the design department, and I just got hired in as a "sign smith".

When I graduated high school, I had a job with Comprehensive Logistics as a semi truck mechanic. I got the job through my auto technology class in high school. Getting paid $9.30 hourly with full bennefits straight out of high school was a good deal, but man, I just couldn't handle it. The people were terrible... the working conditions were unsafe... I had to quit. Luckily I have this job.

I plan to join the demolition derby next year at the Ingham County Fair. I am buying a 1983 Oldsmobile Delta 88 from my old shop instructor. For once, something I like to do... and something I have some talent in.. My friends seem supportive but I have a feeling that they think I'm just blowing smoke. Heh, chances are they won't even show to watch me race... but whatever, that's almost a year away, things change.

Ya know, that's another thing. I really wish people would learn to TRUST me, and that when it comes to cars, I really do know what I am talking about. I get excited about cars, that's just me... my friends should know that, but they also need to know that I went to school for cars, I CONSTANTLY read and research cars and engines... I'm learning more every day. Unfortunately, the "car guy" title remains with Dave for some reason, probably because he actually has a garage and his knowledge is more credible than mine.. I guess... I'm suprised half my friends have ever trusted me to fix their cars, especially since half the time when I tell them what is wrong they don't believe me. And in some cases, there's more than one thing wrong, or more than one possibility, and given the time frame they allow me to work on it, I can't diagnose the problem... Like a poor running engine, my first suggestion was the Catalytic Converter had gone bad... Second suggestion was spark plugs and wires... so I replaced the plugs and wires on that particular car, no change... but she doesn't believe me about the Catalytic Converter, although I am 100% sure that much of the problem comes from there. There is also a "phantom" oil leak that I'm sure I could trace and fix if I was given the chance...

I don't like to gloat, not at all, but sometimes it is the best feeling in the world to be completely right about something and you just HAVE to bring attention to it. Morgans car was making a clunking noise, I drove it, then told her what I thought was wrong, the sway bar links. She didn't know if she could trust me at first... got it looked at, and I was right. STILL no one trusts me.

Same thing goes for computers, I know what I am doing when it comes to fixing them... but I have yet for any one of my friends to allow me to prove to them that I am not fucking stupid.

I act stupid... sometimes my mind works faster than my mouth and I have trouble speaking, which is VERY weird because when I was younger I was known for how well I spoke and my knack for correct spelling and grammar. That has been steadily declining lately and I'm not sure what the deal is... but it scares me.

The friends I've had for the past 5+ years... are the only friends I have. But you know what? None of them really know me. I barely know any of them... Chris found himself the love of his life and doesn't need a best friend anymore... AJ is just, well, AJ is AJ... But 3 years ago, Chris, AJ and I thought the three of us would stay best friends well into our retirements. Yeah, until girls got involved. Somehow, I never had that problem, a girl would never distract me from my "true" friends...

I have been waking up a little lately, learning that most people find me completely annoying and don't really LIKE being around me... I can understand that, ya know.. I've ALWAYS had social problems, hell my entire time in elementary and middle school was spent alone, I was always picked on by EVERYONE... can you blame me for being so messed up? Not to mention my psychopathic sister who would literally beat me and threaten to kill me whenever my parents left her to babysit me. Yep, I'm pretty screwed up... lots of skeletons in my closet... Problem is, my closest friends whom I dare call family... they have NO idea what has gone on in my life... they don't even know HALF the torture I have been through with my family and my life at school... if they knew, if ONLY they knew, they'd probably break down into tears... But I can't even try to let it out because I just don't want to feel that pain ever again... no, it wasn't anything like those messed up catholic priests or nothing like that, lets just say it was more of a mental abuse than anything...

Sometimes I feel like standing up and screaming at the top of my lungs and just shouting at everyone I see, telling them to wake the fuck up from their little dream worlds and see what is going on all around them.

There is more to life than just pleasing yourself for the moment. Look at the bigger picture. You may think that what you are doing NOW is going to lead to long term satisfaction, but in all reality, its most likely just a microscopic cog in the giant contraption that is unraveling your purity.

What is the point of getting drunk? What is the point of alcohol period? Why drugs?

"GEE I have a GREAT idea, let me make myself so incoherent that I won't remember a damned thing and I'll slowly kill off my brain cells!"

Sure, it says in the bible that alcohol was a gift to man, to gladden the hearts of men, but it also says to use in moderation and not to alter your ability to perform works for the Lord.

Getting drunk would be a good example of keeping you from being able to do Christs work.

Ok, so you don't get DRUNK... but if you're under 21, it's illegal to drink, PERIOD, and the Bible also says to follow the rules set forth by the government so long as they don't interfere with the 10 commandments.

For a Christian to ignore that principle is hypocrisy. So why do I get shrugged off when I try to discourage my "Christian" friends from drinking? Seems like they'd be glad that I was trying to hold them accountable... I mean, isn't that what Christians are supposed to do for each other?

I also have a problem with "clubbing". Not because its dancing... but because of the KIND of dancing. I'm sorry, rubbing your ass up against a dude is NOT dancing, that's on top of the clothes sex. There is nothing "OK" about it. I can't stand the music, because the music ENCOURAGES everything that is wrong with America.

People lack common sense... and it makes me fear bringing a child into this world... IF and when I do, rest assured that he/she will be raised into the same principles that I was... Love, honor, respect, and compassion.

Wake up people... You don't control your fate, if you were to die RIGHT NOW, where would you be going?