Walking those last steps

It's a frightening thought. Death, that is.

At the moment we're all doing whatever, not really thinking about it... in some cases, TRYING not to think about it, in other cases, it's just not crossing our minds.

You've been dying since the day you were born. Life is a disease... a slow killer. Your first breath begins the countdown. Precisely when and where is variable from person to person... and you can only hope that your soul is fortunate enough to make it's way back home only after its host organism has finally shut down.

Life is a slow killer. Not only of the body, but of the mind.

Waking up as a small child on the morning of December 25th every year was always such an exciting time... the innocence of the belief that a fat man in a red suit made his way into your home and ate your cookies and drank you milk and left toys that he outsourced to particular companies like Hasbro or Milton Bradley... A birthday was a time when you truly felt special... and growing up with a home and a family was a dream, not a responsibility...

It all dies in time. You soon find that Christmas morning doesn't mean as much to you as it once did, you'd rather sleep in. Birthdays no longer are a countdown to when you can get your first piercing, or when you can have your first boy-girl party, or when you get your drivers license... but now they're a count down to when you have to make your first house payment, a countdown to when you meet the one you'll marry, and a countdown to zero, your time is up...

So what do we do?

We drink time away. We smoke time away. We fuck time away. We waste time as if just to pretend we HAVE the time to waste.

All the unnessecary arguments, the succumbing to temptation... It's all time just flushed away.

You've been an outcast your whole life... You no longer want that to control your life, so you party it up, you live it up... and being an outcast STILL has control over your life.

Complete control? That's when you can say that you really don't care whether you're alone or with somebody. It doesn't matter, because you can still make good use of your precious time whether or not anybody is around to see it.

It comes to the point where all the foolishness has to stop. Stop kidding yourself. Stop trying to reassure yourself that your obsession with being part of the crowd is justified... that your debauchery is innocent... your so called "love making" is just something that people do.

It comes to the point where you have to ask yourself... "Who do I want to be when I walk those last steps?"

When you see the road in front of you has but a few stones left... have you done all you could have? Have you made ammends? Have you righted the wrongs and made your life what it was intended to be?

Picture it... Just like High School graduation, taking those last steps across that stage... Did you do what you set out to do, or did you waste your time? As soon as you cross the stage, it's over... and you're either left with a feeling of accomplishment, or a feeling of dread, fearing what is to come...

The last steps of life may be walked at ANY time... and yet here we are pissing it all away as if it matters not to us.

Well I must say... IT WILL matter... but only when it's too late to go back and make the changes you've been meaning to make all along.

Good luck, my friend, I bid you good fortune as you walk your allotted amount of steps... I don't know how many that is for you, but I can only hope you make good use of each and every one of them from this point forward... As well as I hope I do the same.