Boiling Point

The past 6 years of torment have finally evolved into a tangible resolution.

Not the resolution I wanted... but at least it's finally settled, so now I can move on.

I had a big fight with Jessica about everything she's put me through in the past, as well as everything I've put her through... and the friendship ended with the conversation.

On the one hand, I'm glad I finally have some closure to all the drama bullshit we've both involved each other in... but on the other hand, I've had some great times with Jess, we've been friends for a long time and ending like this is REALLY going to take some time to get over.

It's really going to be a difficult thing, and the worst part about it is that I almost think that this whole thing is just a relapse back into my drama queen phase... and I CANNOT let that happen, I changed, for the better, and I can't go back to that..

But anyways.. It seems to be all in my head. I mean I pannicked just as bad when all that shit went down with Ruth and Sara... but at least THEY were real friends and were willing to come to a happy resolution, they were willing to work with me on the problem to make it better.

Jessica isn't willing to do that.

I'm sure it'll all blow over in time... but there's always going to be an awkwardness between us.

Actually... there always has been, so it'll be nothing new. I just hope she realizes that she just cannot treat people as if they're only important when their presence bennefits her. It's wrong, and she'll never admit that it's what she's doing.

I do not claim to be perfect in this situation, I know the things I said to her were harsh and probably out of line, but I backed up everything I said by telling her that it's just how I percieve things and it doesn't neccesarily mean it's true, I'm not making accusations, just giving her a look at things through my eyes.

Well... wish me luck. Whether it's over, or just comatose... losing this friendship is going to hurt. Really bad.