The Eye of the Storm

Ever feel like you're about to walk into something that you just aren't ready for?

Something completely inevitable, unavoidable, fateful?

Ever feel like you just want to wake up one day and just be somebody else, somewhere else?

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I'm not crying about it anymore. I'm not sad. I'm not upset. I'm not bummed out or depressed. I'm exhausted. I'm drained. I'm bored to death of this and I just want out. I want it to go away for good and never bother me again. That's ALL I ask.

I've tried praying about it, I've tried confronting the situation head on, I even tried running with it once, but nothing changes.

Seriously now, it's getting old. It's pissing me off now. You can't have a friendship with somebody who you're completely in love with when you know they're interested in somebody else. I mean we're totally cool with each other now, all the crap we went through over this has been settled long ago. I'm just not sure if she thinks my feelings have changed or what... She was telling me about this guy from her school who she's getting to know right now.. all I can do is be happy for her, all I can do is wish her the best and hope she's happy...

...in the mean time, I'm hurting over it. So how do I take care of MYSELF in this situation? What do I do to stop MY pain?

...what am I gonna do when she brings him to church?

...when is this going to end?

It's been 5 years... 5 YEARS... and all I want is for it to end, to go away so I can live my life, so I can find a girl and be happy, just like she will be with this guy, just the way she's not meant to be with me, I can be meant to be with someone else...

Or at least a chance to find out of maybe, just maybe it would work between her and I... I just need an answer, one way or another, I don't even care what the answer is, I just need to know what to do! How to get over her! How to forget my feelings for her!

Why I'm even in love with her in the first place... that would DEFINITELY be nice to know.

Why would God make me love somebody who will never feel the same?