Xmas Day

I'd be lying if I said the loot doesn't matter... As much as I want to feel the true meaning of Christmas, I don't think it matters who you are, you WANT gifts. Plain and simple.

Well, here's what I got:

The Punisher DVD
Spiderman 2 DVD
Burnout 3 for PS2 (AWESOME game)
Monster Garage beanie
Monster Garage book: "How to Customize Damn Near Anything"
Hand held rechargable spot light
Mechanic towels
Package of "Tech Decks" (mini skateboards)
Toshiba DVD player (seeing as how the APEX one I got last year stopped working after about a month)
Alarm Clock
Kutless CD
WOW 2005 CD

So it was a pretty good Christmas. Only thing I asked for that I didn't get was the Need For Speed Underground 2 game... no big deal, I'll just go buy it later sometime I guess.

either way, my mom pretty much won our Christmas on the radio, over $600 worth of gift certificates she won and that's all she spent on our Christmas. Cool huh...

So I dug out my Summit Racing Catalog and did a bit of item searching for the Demolition Derby this summer.

Summit Block Hugger Headers (the part of the exhaust that bolts to the engine): $79.99 a pair.

RCI Racing Helmet: $139.95

PEAK Helmet Support (neck brace): $39.95

Summit Racing Seats: $36.95

Racing Seat covers: $32.95

So that's not TOO terribly bad. I'll be saving up my money for that along side the Florida trip this spring break.

I have to buy a $200+ plane ticket though, so that's gonna set me back. There is no way I'm driving...

But I'm SO afraid of flying its not even funny. I hope I get a seat next to Nikki so I don't have to sit by a stranger cause I know I'm gonna grab SOMEONES hand lol and I think it would be a much less awkward situation if it was a friends.

Things with Jessica aren't any better.

After she tells me she needs a break... She pretty much acts like she never said it. She talks to me just like she always has.

But you know what?

She made the choice that she needed a break, and I'm holding her to it. I'm so sick of her being unsure of what I am to her. I've done a LOT for her as a friend and I just don't deserve to be played with like this, its not fair and it makes me feel like she doesn't think I'm worth her time.

Ruth and I "indirectly" discussed her drug habits... I think that she may have got the impression that I look down on her, and that's not the case. I don't look DOWN on her, but it's really difficult for me to know that she's smoking weed when I always used to look up to her on top of the fact that I REALLY, REALLY dispise weed.

I love Ruth like a sister, as family, I mean I've only known her for a couple years and we don't REALLY know each other THAT well, but I have no doubt in my mind that she'd be there for me if I ever needed her support... and of course I'd return that... I just hope she kicks the drinking and drugs before it gets her into trouble, whether it be an addiction that strikes her suddenly, or she gets caught and expelled, arrested, or whatever... it has the potential to destroy her life, and the part that sucks about that the most, is that SHE has the potential to go places in life. I've always admired her ambitions to BE somebody, to steer clear of all the mess that AJ or whoever else got wrapped up in. And now its like she's jumping over candle sticks just to prove that she won't get burnt... and I'm afraid one of those candles might be a stick of dynamite, ya know?

"I tear my heart open, and sew myself shut... My weakness is, I care too much"