Running Out of Pain

And I lye awake
And I try to say
Anything I know
Just to ease the pain
But you hide away
Where no one can see
And it's only you
That can set you free

-12 Stones "Running Out of Pain"

Custards last stand. I've had all I can take seeing people I care about do stupid shit. The drugs wrap themselves around the persons mind and talk them into believing that its ok... Once they get on it, they never give it up. I have to deal with my parents doing it... and that's not easy.

What is so special about weed? It's not the drug... its the brotherhood.

Did a bit of a study on the mentality behind teens using illegal substances or doing illegal things in sociology class 2 years ago.

Everybody wants to be a part of something bigger than themselves. That's why you have gangs, that's why you have fan clubs, sports TEAMS, cults, churches... and that's why you have parties that involve drugs and drinking. It's a common ground for people to get together and share something. To relax and enjoy something with someone.

But how constructive is it?

Ultimately, what goes through someones mind when they choose to do drugs and drink? Why do people choose to invite such things into their lives, when they have seen the effects it can have on some people?

The effects it can have on their children too...

It's hard to say. Sometimes you just want to shake them and scream "WAKE THE FUCK UP" in their face. Its like they've completely lost all common sense.

Fact is.. nobody NEEDS drugs or alcohol for ANY reason. It's escapism.

You've had a troubled life... you need an escape. Dodge the fact all you want, but its right there for all to see. You're looking for an out from all the haunting memories of the past that plague your existence.

You want for something to reach down and take it away from you... and the spiritual route relies on constant faith and self control... whereas the drugs and alcohol are INSTANT satisfaction.

"To relieve worldly stress, just inhale"

That's where you get tricked. Wouldn't you say that's one hell of a plan that Satan has there? "Well gee, for God to heal people, they need to beleive in Him and serve Him... so maybe I'll offer instant relief in exchange for their soul..."

Makes sense to me.

Oh well. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

The part that sucks is... I care about these people a lot... and I can't help but feel absolutely terrible.

------

Work today was... long.

I spent 8 hours inside of a sign. Yes, inside of a sign.

The sign was for Central Park Place. Coincidentally enough, Jessica works in Central Park Plaza which is part of the same property. Too bad she wasn't working today, a nice cop of hot chocolate would have been GREAT.

So I had a crash course lesson on how to operate a bucket lift (cherry picker, personel crane, whatever) and hoisted myself up, and climbed into the sign, 2 stories above the ground with no harness.

Bill did the outside work, drilling the holes and placing the rivets, I had to take the sign faces inside the sign and hold them up to their spots while he did that. But that's not all we had to do. We had to scrape off all of the old silicone that for SOME reason they used to hold the old faces up... Then once we got the new faces in, I had to silicone the border along the bottom of each to keep rain from getting inside the sign and damaging the electronics.

So I spent 8 hours inside the sign. Tomorrow I have to go back and Bill and I have to finish it up, we have 5 more very small pieces of plastic to put in the for the "PLACE", and then install the lamps, close it up and then we're off to the Meridian Mall to work on the sign at the Teddy Bear store, or whatever its called.

I'm kind of enjoying being able to go out on the trucks more often now, its a big change from doing vinyl work all the time.

I'm going to take my Chauffers license test soon so I'll be able to drive the utility truck. Maybe I'll ask my boss if I can use it in the 4th of July parade in Mason this year.

EVENTUALLY I'll get around to taking my ASE test... ASE stands for "Automotive Service Excellence". I know pretty much all I NEED to know, but there's a lot of minor questions that involves thread spacing on bolts and stupid stuff like that, which is really just more tedious crap they add in to make it hard on people. But I'm going to study, and become an ASE Certified Mechanic, which will pretty much make me eligable to work in ANY automotive shop, anywhere, so if I'm ever looking for work, that will be a blessing.

Ok, I'm done writing for now...